Friendship and cancer: How to support a person with cancer?

Many cancer patients, despite the fact that they do not have to stay in the hospital during the treatment, need help and support. Support from a friend can give the patient a sense of security and psychological comfort necessary to face the difficulties. How to support a person with cancer?

Stay in touch

Writing a message via messenger or SMS is a great way to stay in touch with a friend. Messages do not have to be long and are an excellent alternative to phone calls. Try to reply to received messages as quickly as possible. Do not ignore them, and in the case of missed calls, simply call back. During conversations, express your interest — ask about their well-being, emotions, and if they need anything. If your friend receives help from people with whom he or she lives (e.g., family), contact them and ask if they need support as well.

Visit your friend

A friend's visit is a great way to distract from topics related to cancer and treatment. One of the most important things to keep in mind is advance notice. Your friend may not always want anyone to visit. Otherwise, a phone call or a message will give the opportunity to prepare for the visit. It is also worth determining their duration time — for patients undergoing treatment, longer visits may be tiring or even exhausting. Remember that the fatigue accompanying the therapy may make the patient reluctant to talk. In such a case, even the mere presence of a friend will be enough. It is also a great idea to offer additional entertainment, e.g., a board game or a movie. Suggesting a walk is also a good alternative.

Keep your word

The worst behavior a friend can meet is breaking a word. Arranging a meeting and then canceling it at the last minute, or worse, just not showing up at the agreed time, can cause a lot of unpleasant emotions. Breaking promises can result in a loss of trust that can be very difficult to rebuild. Moreover, such behavior affects self-esteem and intensifies feelings of loneliness. In difficult moments, it may contribute to the deterioration of the mental state of your friend.

Offer your help

Help is a very important part of supporting people in difficulty. What can it include? Almost everything — from daily chores such as grocery shopping, to accompanying during hospital visits. Help does not have to be limited to your friend. You can also offer it to caregivers. Such support will give them maybe some free time or simply some relief. Even if your help turns out to be unnecessary, what counts the most are gestures and willingness to help. It will make your friend understand that you are the person that can be counted on.

What should you avoid?

• Avoid conflicts — treatment is often exhausting, affecting patients not only mentally but also physically. It can make your friend feel very bad and impact your friend’s behavior, making him, or she, stressed out and impatient. It often leads to nervous situations and even outbursts of anger. During such moments, you should avoid getting into arguments.
• Don't be intruding — unexpected help can also be a heavy burden for your friend. Of course, the willingness to help results from good intentions. However, its excess can also be harmful. Not every sick person will need help. Constantly asking and offering it can make the person feel overwhelmed.
• Don't change your behavior — To support a person with cancer, we don't have to significantly change our behavior. The most important thing is staying attentive and mindful of the actual needs of your friend. Just listen and watch.

Remember that

A friend is a person who can play a special role in the life of an oncological patient. Many people withdraw from relationships for fear of making a mistake or saying the wrong words. Being a friend in difficult situations can also be a challenge — it is a task that requires maturity and a sense of responsibility. Accompanying a loved one at such times not only gives them a sense of security, but can also strengthen the relationship. When helping, we usually want to give as much as possible, unfortunately often giving more than we have. As a friend of an oncological patient, we should also remember about our own needs as well as taking care of staying in a good shape — both physically and mentally. Thanks to this, we will be able to support a friend facing difficult times more effectively.